In preparation for entering the hospital for open heart surgery tomorrow, I was given a prescription for an ointment called Mupirocin. This, apparently, is to prevent me from contracting MRSA, or Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus, while in the hospital. This goopy stuff is, the Nurse explained, to be swabbed into my nostrils (or as we called ’em when we were kids, “noseholes,”) twice a day.
But the box the stuff comes in instructs patients thusly: Apply externally to each nare twice daily. Now both Tammy and I have above-average vocabularies, but neither of us was familiar with the word “nare” as it applies to nostrils. Since it seemed that the ointment was to go into an orifice somewhere, and the term “each nare” indicated that there were two such openings, that narrowed it down a bit… and that, as you’ll undoubtedly understand, was a bit of a relief when considering the other orifice possibilities.
But a quick google search for definitions turned this up: “Nare\, n. [L. naris.] A nostril. [R.] –B. Jonson.” So I decided to go with the nostril definition rather than the jonson definition… because in that context, I didn’t even want to know how jonson might be defined.
Another website informed us that a nare is, specifically, the nostrils of a bird on its beak. But we figured that “nare” in my case means “nostril.” So every night and morning I’ve been squirting a small dollop of this gunk up my nares. The nare regimin has been resolutely followed, because contracting MRSA is something, apparently, to be avoided at all costs.
Then tonight, and again tomorrow, pre-hospital, I am to take hot showers and rub myself with a strong surgical soap… half a bottle tonight, and half in the morning. For some reason, the brand name on this soap is ENDURE. Maybe I’m being a wuss, but ENDURE doesn’t sound comforting, like Irish Spring or
Zest. Of course I’ve noticed that random, and frequently meaningless words seem to be used as names for off-brand products. There’s a brand of toilet paper and tissues used in hospitals and office buildings called SURPASS. What, in context, does SURPASS have to do with anything? At least anything I want to think about?
In the more public sector there’s PROMISE Margarine, and ALWAYS, which I think is a feminine hygiene product. But ENDURE sounds like a veiled threat. Sounds like it’s saying: You’ll hate this stuff. It hurts. But you need it before surgery, so shut up and quite whining, ya wuss, and ENDURE it.
So I will. Endure it that is. I’d tell you how it all turns out tomorrow, but according to the anesthesiologist, tomorrow, and probably a lot of Wednesday will be lost days to me. Much like large patches of the ’70s. Tammy will post here or on Facebook a couple of times to let you know I made it through okay, or, well the opposite. Which I’m not worried about.
And in a few days, I’ll be able to sit up and do some blog posts myself again. Again, never-ending gratitude to all who have helped in so many ways… the thoughts, prayers, encouraging words, and other help and support mean more to us than you could know.
See you on the flip side…