For a Good Time, Call Your Doctor!

I heard a joke many years ago that I still think is pretty funny.  Apparently two Hillbilly-Americans come down from them thar hills into the big city for the first time.  Unfortunately for them, all they have is five dollars, and they stand there on the street corner, wondering what they can do with just five bucks.  One of them (probably Cletus) says,  “Hey!  I know!  I’ll be right back!”

Cletus grabs the money, rushes into the drugstore, and comes out moments later with a box of a popular name-brand feminine hygiene product.  “Cletus, you IDJUT!” says the other Hillbilly-American, “You went and spent all our gol-darn money… and got a box o’ TAMPONS??? What are we gonna do NOW???”

And Cletus says, “Jest simmer down there, Jed… I saw a ad fer these things… and it says we can go swimmin’, we can ride bikes, we can go horseback ridin’…”

Heh, heh.   And if there’s one thing we learn from looking at the pictures in medical brochures, it’s this: Sick people sure do have fun!

See Honey? Isn't diabetes just the coolest???

For example, this picture over to the left seems to indicate that diabetes is a real hoot.  This couple is having the time of their lives!  I want me some o’ that there diabetes!

Or, you

It's Gout-A-Riffic!

could get yourself some gout.  Now, I’ve had gout, and I never realized it was this much fun!  I usually associate it with activities like pounding my toes with a ballpeen hammer.  But just take a look at this nice couple.  It’s apparent that they ‘re really enjoying it.

What could be more fun than menopause?

Now this is somewhat at odds with what I’ve been told, because, I’ve heard horrifying tales of hot flashes, mood swings, and other unpleasantness, but apparently that’s not true.  Just one look at this picture and  you can plainly see that it’s the ultimate party.  And you can share it with the kids and grandkids!  Why, it’s just grand!

If you want the most bang for the buck, though, nothing beats a good heart attack — unless, of course, it’s a stroke.  One glance at this fellow, and you’ll know that this what you must have:

 

 

After having seen all the TV commercials for prescription drugs like Celebrex and Zocor and Boniva, and all those people who take them and then go to the beach, or mountain biking, or have picnics and campfires with multicultural groups of smiling, energetic friends, I was going to ask my doctor if they were right for me.  But I think maybe I’ll just go ahead and get me some diabetes and a bit more gout.  Maybe have a stroke next  year.

Maybe, though, I should actually read these brochures instead of just looking at the pictures.  That way I’ll be able to see if there’s any downside to all this fun.

 

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One response to this post.

  1. I for one, and I’ll bet I’m joined in saying this by all of your friends & family… Please DO NOT plan on having a stroke next year!

    Reply

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