Learning to be Alone

How do you learn to be alone?  There’s a difference between being lonely and being alone.  I have never, in my life, up to now, been lonely.  But now… Mom and Dad are gone, my wife has left, and the only close family I have left is my sister.  And she doesn’t really want me living in her rec room as I am.  I can’t blame her… she’s not being unfriendly… it’s just that no matter how small a footprint I try to leave, I am disruptive to the life she enjoys with her daughter, my niece.

All my life, I’ve been a social guy.  I love being married to the person I thought would be my partner for life.  I love getting together with friends….. sharing a drink and a meal, with lots of good conversation… and I have a great many wonderful friends.  But they’re all miles from here, primarily in Pennsylvania and Florida.  So there’s no human contact. But still, those incredible friends have put up with me and my problems for longer than I could reasonably expect.

1024px-E8211-Tamchy-lonely-treeThe nature of my job pretty much precludes getting settled into the community and becoming involved, at least until I can find a way to stay put for awhile.  Even at that, at my age, finding someone to love from here on out seems like a remote possibility.

So, how does one learn to be alone?  There are many people out there… some of whom I have talked with.. who are perfectly happy by themselves.  I liked being married.  I liked having friends around.  I love having a  life partner.  So how do I, now, learn to be comfortable by myself?  I hear it’s possible, but it’s hard for me to get my arms around the idea.  Maybe because I’d so much rather get my arms around someone who can hug me back.

How do I learn to be alone?


5 thoughts on “Learning to be Alone

  1. At one stage of my life, I had lost the person I thought I should be with and was miserable. I had a talk with God and said “I give up. I will be happy being alone and leave it in your hands.” It gave me great peace to accept it. Then 6 weeks later I met the man I have been with for 22 years now. I wasn’t “looking” at that point. So, maybe my acceptance of being single drew him to me. Who knows for sure, but I truly believe it did. If you can find peace within yourself, all good things will happen. Let your many friends who are showing you great love be enough. Just for now. (Your really old friend.)

  2. I’m with Cindy, Steve. I know now isn’t a great time for you to hear about other people’s relationships but she is right. I only found Sandy when I had honestly accepted that alone was not only ok, it was more than ok. Preferable, even. Preferable to being in a relationship that really wasn’t ok, much as I wanted it to be. This is the perfect time for you to be ONLY YOU, relish it! Take every opportunity to really hang out with yourself and ask what is about you that you like the most. Obviously the other party in your last relationship was playing a game, and you fell for it. Good people fall for deception all the time because we mistakenly think that everyone else is like we are. They arent. Only when you get real up close and personal with one Steve Biddle will you gain the ability and perspective to spot a bullshitter a mile away and will never waste time on one again. That knowledge is only gained by being alone.

    1. Thanks, Emily. I have to reluctantly admit that she used me and then totally rejected me. It hurts. It hurts a lot. I’m going to learn how to be happy by myself.

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